Running Melbourne with a stubborn voice

Today was my first attempt at a half marathon. This day has been a long time coming, with several false starts (injury...and maybe a hangover or two stopping previous attempts) and sporadic training over the years. It's no secret that I was not born to run and nor have I learnt to run particularly well. However, what I was born with is an extremely strong and relentless stubbornness that refuses to admit I am incapable of doing anything well. This makes for some interesting internal debate when it comes to running.

"You could so do a marathon. Loads of people do it. Christ even Tony Abbott finished an Ironman" (stubborn me)

"You are kidding yourself. Do you know how far 42.2km is? You've never run more than 21km. And that nearly killed you. Remember? Remember nearly crying and having a breakdown on the side of the Captain Cook Highway?" (realist me)

"But I want to do a marathon. I want the challenge and to feel like I've accomplished something"

"You're body won't cope, you'll fracture something or end up walking and feel like a failure. Just go to more study or something if you want a challenge. You would be much better at that"

...you get the drift.

So maybe I went into today's race a little overly ambitious given my reality:

• This was to be my longest run since my last half-marathon-kill-myself effort at Cairns in June 2012
• I have been doing a lot of sllooww base work lately and not overly long sessions - maximum around 12km I think
• I look like a fat seal trying to get up a hill. Waddle, arms, legs and lots of heavy breathing. It ain't pretty

All of which was pretty unfortunate really given this was a pretty hilly course (to me). I should have realised that if I paid attention to the course maps (I didn't) or thought about the fact that the run essentially looped around the Tan and its surrounds (which is basically one collation of hills and inclines smack in the centre of town) (which I didn't).

So here's how it rolled out:

• 6am, in Southbank and realised I forgot my purse. Sh*t. Somehow, by some pure stroke of luck, I find free parking along the Yarra right near the boat sheds about 5min walk to race start. And there's a totally empty public toilet right there. Bonus
• Bag check, number on, iPod in and we line up along the Arts Centre for what feels like an eternity. Its still pitch black and around 4 degrees. FREEZING. The warm up I did....yeah shouldn't have bothered.
• We wait so long I decide to find a loo for a last-chance stop. The Arts Centre queue is about 30 deep. I thank god silently for an ANZ Christmas Party from 2 years ago held at this very venue that taught me where to find the restrooms on every level. I take the lift to level 5, find said glamorous restroom (empty) and I'm back in the race line in no time. Bonus
• The professional super gazelles have started and fly by like they're running 5km. I stare at them in awe. If a bit of drool could come out of my mouth it would have. One day I think. One day.
• FINALLY the show gets on the road. The crowd cheers, the balloons are going, I crank the iPod and think "lets get this!" I'm going to KILL it!
• 2km in I'm flying. I'm thinking I've got this (PS this was the downhill part).
• 3km in we hit the first incline/false flat. Small grimace starts.
• 4km we climb into the Tan. Pain face officially starts. WTF is with the hill?
• 4-18km Pain face worsens. Whoever designed the course is a devil. Where is the nice flat bits?
• 18km the body is officially done. Shop shuts. I beg to open the shop again. We're running into a headwind, on a false flat and I can feel the wheels are falling off. I can see the finish line and despite wanting to stop and maybe have a bit of a cry I push on. "Your slowest run is better than your fastest walk"
• 19km yahoo! I can do anything. Gimme some more Dextro!!
• 20km Ok let's just sprint this out. You've done 1km efforts before. This is just a really hard 1km effort.
• 20.5km MY GOD WHERE IS THE FINISH
• 21km IS SOMEONE PLAYING WITH ME. THIS IS NOT RIGHT
• 21.1km THERE IT IS THE FINISH RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN SHUT UP MAN ON THE ANNOUNCER THIS IS HELL RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

Stop.

I need to lean on something. Anything. A stranger will do. Can I sit down? Don't' sit down. Look pro. Even though you are hurting LOOK PRO

I walk around, hands on hips and try and look pro. No biggie, just busted out a half.

I had a stretch goal which, in hindsight, was a bit crazy so I am pretty happy with my result (2.01/5.44m/km pace) given where I'm at in training. The winning girl ran a 1:23 -  seriously, I have MAD run envy of whoever she is. How do legs stretch that far??

3 years ago I couldn't run more than 1 minute so every time I achieve something new I can't help but reflect on how far my fitness and health has come. But the stubborn voice can't be silenced and I've already asked coach if I can do another one next month. The stubborn voice never learns.

Me before the race - Happy! Excited!

A translation of me post race (I feel ya dude) - Oh god, sweet rail