Its just one little word

Over time, its become more and more noticeable how difficult it is for people to admit when they find something hard. Whether its at work, with sport, with friends or family, the message of "its hard" often is communicated by all sorts of other phrases, statements or explanations other than by using this one simple word.

This is particularly noticeable when it comes to sport or races. You see it in blogs, race reports or even just talking to people after a race. You ask a simple question - "How'd you go?" and can get a variety of answers which really all point to the same answer:

- "Yeah, my legs just didn't have it today"
- "I've been focussing on my bike and nothing else so I'm happy with that"
- "I'm just training through so didn't really taper for this"
- "I pushed too hard on the bike and blew up"

Is it so hard to just admit that you found the race tough? That is was hard, the course was really challenging or really windy? Why is this so difficult for us to say? Sport is hard. And the events me and my friends dabble in is definitely hard - long course triathlon and run events. If we all know this, why can't we be honest about it?

I see it at work too. Someone will come over under the guise of "picking my brain" or "bouncing some ideas" off. But really, what they want it some help or guidance with whatever they are working on. But again, rather then simply saying they are unsure what to do with X problem and they are having troubles figuring out the next step, this reality is packaged up behind a variety of corporate jargon.

Is there that much pressure on us to succeed - or rather, to not fail - that we have now come up with ways to avoid disclosing that we even experience hardship, find situations tough, struggle to come up with ideas or solutions or admit that we are a work in progress? And if that is the case, why are we feeling this way? Why is there a need to paint this picture, plaster on this facade, rather then just be honest?

Off the top of my head, I have some ideas:

• certainly in a work environment, I think there is generally less tolerance for mistakes. When cost cutting is rife and redundancies are a-plenty, I see a general reluctance for anyone to admit they do not know something for fear this exposes a weakness as an employee. For a long time I have rued this approach as it succeeds only in staff hiding issues that you (as an employer) would otherwise want uncovered so they can be resolved. 
• if you are a competitive person by nature, I believe you are naturally attracted to competitive sport. By default, this also attracts other likeminded competitive people so suddenly you are in environment which is naturally dominated by competitive personalities which I think fuels a reluctance to admit defeat (a bit like politics really. Even when you're losing you can put a spin on anything). Which is a shame really, because what would be great is to feel like you can safely admit you find something difficult or hard in order to seek support - rather than feel like every race or every session has to have a story painted to it to justify performance.
• guilt. For mums and dads who take time away from family to train, for people who leave work early or sneak in lunchtime sessions to workout rather than catching up on admin or briefings or networking lunches, there are these sacrifices and choices that are made along the way in order to pursue your sport. And sometimes sport doesn't go your way, the PB must wait another day or you just don't feel right.....and you might feel like you need a justification for this rather then simply admitting it was a hard course or you pushed yourself with a stretch goal that was challenging. You feel there has to be something a bit more to justify the guilt that might play on your mind with every session that takes you away from something else. 

I honestly think its a shame we can't see more honesty. I think it would be more encouraging for women and men wanting to get back into sport if they could see that everyone finds it hard, there's no 'easy' races and that its totally ok to admit that and share that with your training family. 

Even better, a bit more honesty might go a long way in helping support those who find sport intimidating or think that they might not ever be able to run a race or finish a triathlon or learn to swim. Trust me, you absolutely can and if you're ready to give it a shot then do it. Take it from me, we all find it hard. But the sense of achievement is one that is highly personal to you and people who support you along the way.  Don't shy away from being honest about it.

Running Melbourne with a stubborn voice

Today was my first attempt at a half marathon. This day has been a long time coming, with several false starts (injury...and maybe a hangover or two stopping previous attempts) and sporadic training over the years. It's no secret that I was not born to run and nor have I learnt to run particularly well. However, what I was born with is an extremely strong and relentless stubbornness that refuses to admit I am incapable of doing anything well. This makes for some interesting internal debate when it comes to running.

"You could so do a marathon. Loads of people do it. Christ even Tony Abbott finished an Ironman" (stubborn me)

"You are kidding yourself. Do you know how far 42.2km is? You've never run more than 21km. And that nearly killed you. Remember? Remember nearly crying and having a breakdown on the side of the Captain Cook Highway?" (realist me)

"But I want to do a marathon. I want the challenge and to feel like I've accomplished something"

"You're body won't cope, you'll fracture something or end up walking and feel like a failure. Just go to more study or something if you want a challenge. You would be much better at that"

...you get the drift.

So maybe I went into today's race a little overly ambitious given my reality:

• This was to be my longest run since my last half-marathon-kill-myself effort at Cairns in June 2012
• I have been doing a lot of sllooww base work lately and not overly long sessions - maximum around 12km I think
• I look like a fat seal trying to get up a hill. Waddle, arms, legs and lots of heavy breathing. It ain't pretty

All of which was pretty unfortunate really given this was a pretty hilly course (to me). I should have realised that if I paid attention to the course maps (I didn't) or thought about the fact that the run essentially looped around the Tan and its surrounds (which is basically one collation of hills and inclines smack in the centre of town) (which I didn't).

So here's how it rolled out:

• 6am, in Southbank and realised I forgot my purse. Sh*t. Somehow, by some pure stroke of luck, I find free parking along the Yarra right near the boat sheds about 5min walk to race start. And there's a totally empty public toilet right there. Bonus
• Bag check, number on, iPod in and we line up along the Arts Centre for what feels like an eternity. Its still pitch black and around 4 degrees. FREEZING. The warm up I did....yeah shouldn't have bothered.
• We wait so long I decide to find a loo for a last-chance stop. The Arts Centre queue is about 30 deep. I thank god silently for an ANZ Christmas Party from 2 years ago held at this very venue that taught me where to find the restrooms on every level. I take the lift to level 5, find said glamorous restroom (empty) and I'm back in the race line in no time. Bonus
• The professional super gazelles have started and fly by like they're running 5km. I stare at them in awe. If a bit of drool could come out of my mouth it would have. One day I think. One day.
• FINALLY the show gets on the road. The crowd cheers, the balloons are going, I crank the iPod and think "lets get this!" I'm going to KILL it!
• 2km in I'm flying. I'm thinking I've got this (PS this was the downhill part).
• 3km in we hit the first incline/false flat. Small grimace starts.
• 4km we climb into the Tan. Pain face officially starts. WTF is with the hill?
• 4-18km Pain face worsens. Whoever designed the course is a devil. Where is the nice flat bits?
• 18km the body is officially done. Shop shuts. I beg to open the shop again. We're running into a headwind, on a false flat and I can feel the wheels are falling off. I can see the finish line and despite wanting to stop and maybe have a bit of a cry I push on. "Your slowest run is better than your fastest walk"
• 19km yahoo! I can do anything. Gimme some more Dextro!!
• 20km Ok let's just sprint this out. You've done 1km efforts before. This is just a really hard 1km effort.
• 20.5km MY GOD WHERE IS THE FINISH
• 21km IS SOMEONE PLAYING WITH ME. THIS IS NOT RIGHT
• 21.1km THERE IT IS THE FINISH RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN SHUT UP MAN ON THE ANNOUNCER THIS IS HELL RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

Stop.

I need to lean on something. Anything. A stranger will do. Can I sit down? Don't' sit down. Look pro. Even though you are hurting LOOK PRO

I walk around, hands on hips and try and look pro. No biggie, just busted out a half.

I had a stretch goal which, in hindsight, was a bit crazy so I am pretty happy with my result (2.01/5.44m/km pace) given where I'm at in training. The winning girl ran a 1:23 -  seriously, I have MAD run envy of whoever she is. How do legs stretch that far??

3 years ago I couldn't run more than 1 minute so every time I achieve something new I can't help but reflect on how far my fitness and health has come. But the stubborn voice can't be silenced and I've already asked coach if I can do another one next month. The stubborn voice never learns.

Me before the race - Happy! Excited!

A translation of me post race (I feel ya dude) - Oh god, sweet rail

She's a big one!

This has been the weeks of squeezing it in. Work, training, life. Life is the big one, making sure that I still have one outside of the eat-work-train-eat-passout-sleep routine (love the pass out-sleep part!). Saturday date night with dinner and wine, girls dinners, coffee catch ups, Skype dates....all part of having a big, full, fun life.

I'm definitely not someone who can just breeze through the week, logging 40-50hrs in the office, another 10+hrs of swim-bike-run, quality relationship time, 8 hours sleep and flip my hair like its no biggie.

It is definitely a biggie for me.

Its a big, challenging commitment to do all that and I suffer from work fatigue more than anything else. It makes it hard to summons the energy to do it every week and over time I've learnt some things about myself:

• forcing myself to do early mornings means I just pay for it around 1pm. Its not worth it and doesn't make me a good employee, manager, athlete, partner or friend
• lunchtimes are great for fitting a session in
• i really love night training. Night rides are the best and this works for me. I've adapted to starting training at 7pm and it seems to fit with my routine and energy levels more than the morning.

We are all different athletes and I think its important to eventually figure out how training looks for you. It might not be swimming 3 mornings a week or riding long on a Saturday morning; that might not feel right, fit with your life or your schedule. No point pushing a square peg in a round hole and I learnt long ago never to martyr yourself to anything, let along something that you're supposed to love!!

So this weekend is a big one for me. Another weekend of firsts - I'm lining up to run my first ever half-marathon! Now, I know I've technically completed a half marathon (as I raced 70.3) but I personally feel like that doesn't count as (a) it was a total utter sufferfest of pain that I've chosen to erase from my memory (b) a race in a race doesn't count (in my mind!)

My 2013 bucket list included at least 1 half marathon so Run Melbourne this weekend it is! I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm excited! I'm loving run training right now, I'm edging closer and closer to confidently saying 'I'm a runner' and I want to have a solid crack on Sunday.

Imagine that. Me, who 3 years ago couldn't run more than one minute at a time without puffing out in pain, feeling like a runner. Its amazing what the body can do when you make it.

With thanks to Rapha...

Over the weekend, a couple of mates and I signed up for the Rapha 100 ladies ride here in Melbourne. I like to mix things up with training and love to try something new on the weekend - races or otherwise - so this was right up my alley. A 100km ride designed to celebrate women in cycling on a global scale, organised by the prestigious Rapha brand. Done.

There was around 80 women registered for the Melbourne ride and, as we assembled in Collingwood, I realised what a diverse range of women enjoy bikes. We were greeted with smiles, laminated direction cards and ushered upstairs to a beautiful open space where All Press were serving complimentary coffees and we had a chance to scope out what would be waiting for us as a reward post ride - a gorgeous sit down luncheon (yes, LUNCHEON - we are ladies!). Rapha really know how to put on a polished event.

The All Press baristas getting busy

Lunch - gorgeous!

 The ride started with some nice hills through Kew Boulevard before we navigated along the Eastlink bikeway out into the suburbs. I have never ridden out that way and was really surprised by how gorgeous some of the surroundings were; we rode through what seemed to be rainforest, with flowing streams and expanses of paddocks with cows. Half the time I had no idea where we were, just soaked up the new environment and enjoying the company of chicks who like bikes.

It wasn't a race and it was a nice long conversational ride. Around 4.5hr later we rolled back into Collingwood and were presented with champagne, coffee and the most amazing spread of catered lunch (vegan? gluten free? vegetarian? right this way). Nothing was too much trouble and our group of women got busy chatting over lunch about how much we enjoyed the ride and how great the day had been.

Cake glam. They taste as good as they look

Drink glam. Really, all rides should end like this.

This was a totally FREE event put on by the generous Rapha Australia folk. I had an amazing day and I feel so lucky to have experienced the event with the other ladies. It was brilliantly organised (oh yeah, we had Rapha gentlemen on motorbikes and Pikey on his Giant guiding us along the way. And did I mentioned the 1/2 way pit stop with lollies, bananas and muesli bars? Honestly, fab)

And.... presents!! We got presents!!!

Rapha seat pack - glam!

Coffee. Free. Bonus

So now, back to the not-so-glam business of getting-it-done this week. I'm feeling tired, times are busy but its big girl pants on and doing my best to squeeze the most out of every day.

Today however I just squeezed out a lotta sweat. Its 12 days until my very first stand alone half marathon and i'm getting the k's in and the sweat out.

SWEAT. MORE SWEAT