Where else but Queensland

Its been two weeks since 70.3 Sunshine Coast and I have been soaking up the sun and fun on the Gold Coast. The weather has been ridiculously brilliant and I have to admit I have been feeling a little bit pleased with myself whenever I see tweets coming from Melbourne peeps about the rain/wind/cold down south.

It was only a couple of days after the HIM but I couldn't pass up dad's invitation to join him on his ocean swims from Burleigh to North Burleigh. My dad is 65 years old and swims either 2km (from Burleigh to N.Burleigh) or 4km (return) every day. What a champion. I figured the sun was out and he assured me he is slow and we'd go easy so the sun worshipper in me couldn't say no.

Well Dad may be old-er but he is FAST. All those years surfing and swimming in the open water have built up some serious strength....No wonder he can knock out ~15km ocean swimming a week!  Best part was finishing with a coffee in the sun....all before 9:30am. Bliss.

Otherwise, my busy schedule has consisted of daily naps, easing back into training, lots of coffee dates,  friend catch ups, family time and twilight wines. And its been heavenly.

With my Queensland cat, Kiri. Smooch extraordinaire

Hanging with my home girl Daisy

Pauly after KILLING the crit @ Gold Coast Festival of Cycling

Yesterday, after 2 weeks of recovering, the body felt back on track and ready to go for the Robbie McEwen Gran Fondo. This was part of the Gold Coast Festival of Cycling, a whole weekend of events from fun runs, to criteriums and culminating in the fondo rides yesterday.

I had been having mild anxiety over this ride because the elevation profile was slightly ball busting (for me). Lots of 12%+ registered on the Strava profile which was a big deal for me given, as most inner city Melbourne folk know, there ain't nothing hilly about Melbourne unless you trek out on the weekend for a couple of hours hunting for them. I don't think I'd ridden something over 10% until yesterday (so a hill PB for me!) I was also riding a rented bike and it was 2 weeks after a half ironman. So really, if things were going to go arse up, yesterday was going to be the day.

#beforethepain

WELL. I won't lie. It was bloody hard and consensus around the place was that Robbie was "a bastard" and that it was the toughest ride most (all?) had done. Ever. Me and Paul included. What made it so hard, you ask?
- It was 117km with no flat sections, all constant sharp or rolling climbs.
- The road was dead. Totally dead. The picture below is what the road surface was like the whole time, kinda like pushing the bike through tar.

I'm sure the locals didn't think twice about this, but the whole time I'm looking down thinking "WTF"

- It was unrelentingly hot
- It was windy
- There were two long, hard, steep, bitchy, angry climbs. The first up Mount Tamborine which helpfully came sign posted with "12%", "13%", "15%" warnings along the way (more then one rider was heard to cry in agony 'there can't be more....can there?'). There was a lot of bikes being walked up, there were several riders on the side of the road staring out into the distance having a word to themselves, the aid stations were littered with weary riders flat out on their backs hot, drenched in sweat, exhausted.

It was the kind of ride that you have those dark moments of hating life, bonking, recovering from the bonk, feeling a million bucks, then repeating. But it was hands down the best ride i've ever done and hands down the HARDEST. Anyone who is keen for the challenge I would highly recommend looking into it for next year.

And so begins another week on the Gold Coast #sunsoutgunsout its time for brunch with friends, a little jog and maybe a swim. Life's good

Sunny Coast 70.3 - the wrap!

It's no secret that I was bursting to race. It had been a looonnnggg time since my last 70.3 and I missed racing, the vibe, the atmosphere of triathlon. I was lucky to snag an entry into this inaugural event as one of the few Victorians I knew up here. My family came up, my sister and boyfriend were here and regardless of the race - it made for such an amazing experience.

Did I have the race of my life? No, but I definitely had some wins and positives throughout the day.

Race day itself was amazing. The weather cleared up and it was hot, bright and low winds. Having left Melbourne in 7 degrees, I was running my own mini sauna up here in 26+ degrees but I didn't care. I just wanted to get out!

Swim

For anyone who has raced the Mooloolaba triathlon, I'm told the swim is pretty much in the same location. It's an ocean swim, beach start and it was awesome. You dove through the break and headed out on a parallel course to the shore. Once you were past the break, there was some rolling chop to swim through which made navigation important.

I loved this swim because the shore break combined with the chop meant that there were very few groups, people broke up early and I pretty much had clear water the whole way. Those who know me know I'm a bit of a swim purest, I hate the whole swim-on-feet thing (I know its a time saver etc etc but I just find it tiring and annoying and that it takes the enjoyment out of swimming). I'll forgo an extra minute or so to have the space to swim to my own pace without getting kicked in the head or dragged underwater. Which is what I had almost the whole swim - water and space to myself and I swam comfortably in the beautiful clear water. A few triathletes were grumbling after the race because of the 'slow swim' (i.e the difficulty in staying on feet) but for me it was awesome. Even surfed a little wave to the shore for a 35.xx swim PB. LOVED it. My best triathlon swim experience to date.

Bike

One word. Underwhelming. I felt crap the whole ride. I had a headache, I felt dizzy and like it was one big bonky 90km. The course is dead boring for those that are interested in scenery - there is none, you are on a barren freeway for about 85km, with a small cut through in town. What that means is you need your head in the game, to stay focussed, watch your draft, eat, drink, pace etc.  I didn't have that concentration as I was busy negotiating in my mind with how to fix the bonking dizziness I was feeling. It was one of those days where you just don't feel bonded with your bike and I'm to blame for that feeling - all my riding has been on my road bike, I'd only whipped the TT together in the past couple of weeks so there hasn't been any bonding to talk of. You get the results you earn in that respect.

And to make sure I was feeling in tip top shape, a TO pinged me at 76km for drafting. At that stage I was lucky to still be pedalling upright. I was "allegedly" drafting off a pack of guys who had ridden past me and tucked in front of my wheel while I was looking at my Garmin. Could. Not. Believe. It. And so close to finishing the ride. My instinct was to get off my bike and throw it, Wiggo style, into the shrubbery on the roadside out of sheer frustration. But then my thought process was (seriously) this:

- I'm on this barren highway, there's no SAG wagon nearby so if I do that I'll just have to stand out here in the heat for ages.
- I missed that last aid station because I was busy being so cross so I'd have nothing to drink if I did do that
- I really need a bathroom
- (and the kicker) Beth will kill me.

So with that, I kept my bike-rage in check and went to find the penalty box to air my grievances with those TO's who I'm sure have NEVER heard such a thing happen before (Ha).

Run

Anyone who has been to the Mooloolaba Triathlon knows about "the hill". And we had the best luck running up and down it 4 times yesterday! Have to say, the organisers do know where to position an aid station - right near the top of the hill, little incentives to keep you going.

The run, for me, was a highlight. The time doesn't reflect it remotely, but its more how I felt the whole time - Controlled, fit and comfortable. That is a monster difference to 18 months ago when I last ran a half marathon off the bike. It was smoking hot yesterday, the wind had picked up so we were running into a head wind for half the run - oh and those hills - but I felt good. I smiled! And that never happens. In hindsight I may have gone too comfortably because I wasn't sure how I was going to cope - within the first 3km my stomach went on gel protest so I ditched those and drank Pepsi the whole run, something I've never done before. Could easily have gone south in a bad way but fortunately it seemed to go ok.

The hoses, ice and water baths were very very appreciated from the locals and volunteers - the volunteers were INCREDIBLE. Organised, sincere, helpful and they just knew how to do things. Really really great.

So the big question after a first time race is - would I race it again? I think so. I say that for two reasons:

(a) we had a really gorgeous day to race, but the day prior was a crapper. If the weather was like on race day then, being a coastal location, there's nowhere to hide from it. Those who have raced Mooloolaba on a bad day will get what I'm saying. So you'd enter knowing that its a real possibility of strong winds and big, choppy ocean. If that's not your thing and you want better odds of good weather, then you might pick a different event.

(b) the bike course was not my favourite. People approach these things differently - you either want to get out there and get on with it and don't care what's around, or you want to do that while being able to see some stuff for 90km to break up those few hours. There is very little to look at out on the bike course (I imagine its a lot like parts of the IM Melb bike course) so, while it is generally flat with a good chance for fast times (if the weather's right) it is also a pretty barren and boring 90km (particularly when you aren't having the best biking day). So that is ultimately a question of personal preference.

USM Events did an amazing job running this for the first year. It was really slick, well organised and you really couldn't tell it was a first year event. The local community was super supportive and it was generally such a great vibe and atmosphere to be in.

Its been a massive couple of months for me and I was just so happy to make it to the race line, without sickness and able to race. Definitely hasn't been the perfect preparation, mentally or physically, but that's life and you can only do what you can do. The best part is now having the opportunity to soak in some more of this sunshine up north and get involved in some of the local Qld races over the next few months which is something I've always wanted the opportunity to do :)

The countdown

This time next week I'll hopefully be chilling on the beachfront with my family and boyfriend, downing a few wines after completing my second half-ironman. And I have one thing to say about that.

I'M EXCITED.

I'm excited for so many reasons:

• It's been a loooong time since my first half - about 15 months. In this time I was all over the shop about training, triathlon, work, life, relationships etc and its taken some time to iron out the kinks and realise that I love training for triathlon, its so good for my state of mind and to get some consistency and focus back.
• This has been the first year I have knuckled down and trained consistently through winter. And it has sucked. The training is great, the weather is just balls. There is nothing fun about riding in 3 degrees, running in 4 layers and coming home frozen to the bone when its raining and windy. One of the only thing that gets you through is the race carrot that dangles and for me, that carrot has been a trip back home to Queensland and a nice, toasty warm race on the beach. 
• I get to go HOME. My family are coming up to cheer, Paul is coming up and I know that they'll have an awesome time. Mum goes nuts for a bit of triathlon, she's a bit of a pro groupie.
• Of course you get to test the training. I've been running heaps, booked two half-marathons as part of this build and I definitely feel more run confident. I remember being petrified about running the 21.1km in my last half; now I feel like I can tackle it confidently (maybe not super fast, but by not dying like last time).
• I'd like to beat my last HIM time. I feel confident this is possible.

When I sign off from work this Thursday, it also signals the start of a 4 month sabbatical from work for me. I am haannnggginnnng on for that. I'm tired, run down and sucked dry from the last 18 months and really need some time off. I get to go back to Qld, spend time with friends and family and untwist myself from the stress I've been feeling. A bit of sun, sand and saltwater is going to be on-tap every day along with loads of swim/bike/run (what else would I be doing?) 

The other cool thing is I'll get to race in some of the local Gold Coast and Brissie triathlons so if you've got any suggestions, let me know! First up will be the Gold Coast Festival of Cycling - Pauly is going to nail it in the crit then the gran fondo, I'll belt myself in the 10km run and then might head up to Redcliffe for the Moreton Olympic Distance tri at the end of Sept. Who knows? Choices galore!

Weekender

This has been a tough week. Some seriously foul weather did nothing to alleviate the winter rut I seem to have found myself in; throw in a mid-week bout of office sickness and it was one person with a serious case of the sads (and SADS).

I don't know if many of you find yourself in these situations; when things just feel hard. You can't find a positive in the day and your happiness has gone on holiday while you're still slogging it out, "just getting through". I have to say, life in Melbourne has made this a very unique feeling for me. Never once did I experience this living in Queensland or Sydney and hands-down I think the weather is 95% to blame. Whenever I felt a little down on the Gold Coast, all it took was a quick dip in the surf and 10min of sun to shake it off. I've never quite found the equivalent in Melbourne; in fact I'm not sure there is one (no wait. It used to be cocktails)

So my cure-all is a weekend up north; a quick last minute plane ticket booked and I'm back to the Gold Coast for three days, I've checked the forecast and its perfection.....just what the doctor ordered. Bikinis, shorts and Havianas are packed, I'm so excited to visit Barefoot for a coffee and Little St Kilda for lunch and all my other local spots, to see my school friends, new babies, family and just have time to breathe. Oh, and there'll be some running and swimming too.....there's no better place for that :)

Its just one little word

Over time, its become more and more noticeable how difficult it is for people to admit when they find something hard. Whether its at work, with sport, with friends or family, the message of "its hard" often is communicated by all sorts of other phrases, statements or explanations other than by using this one simple word.

This is particularly noticeable when it comes to sport or races. You see it in blogs, race reports or even just talking to people after a race. You ask a simple question - "How'd you go?" and can get a variety of answers which really all point to the same answer:

- "Yeah, my legs just didn't have it today"
- "I've been focussing on my bike and nothing else so I'm happy with that"
- "I'm just training through so didn't really taper for this"
- "I pushed too hard on the bike and blew up"

Is it so hard to just admit that you found the race tough? That is was hard, the course was really challenging or really windy? Why is this so difficult for us to say? Sport is hard. And the events me and my friends dabble in is definitely hard - long course triathlon and run events. If we all know this, why can't we be honest about it?

I see it at work too. Someone will come over under the guise of "picking my brain" or "bouncing some ideas" off. But really, what they want it some help or guidance with whatever they are working on. But again, rather then simply saying they are unsure what to do with X problem and they are having troubles figuring out the next step, this reality is packaged up behind a variety of corporate jargon.

Is there that much pressure on us to succeed - or rather, to not fail - that we have now come up with ways to avoid disclosing that we even experience hardship, find situations tough, struggle to come up with ideas or solutions or admit that we are a work in progress? And if that is the case, why are we feeling this way? Why is there a need to paint this picture, plaster on this facade, rather then just be honest?

Off the top of my head, I have some ideas:

• certainly in a work environment, I think there is generally less tolerance for mistakes. When cost cutting is rife and redundancies are a-plenty, I see a general reluctance for anyone to admit they do not know something for fear this exposes a weakness as an employee. For a long time I have rued this approach as it succeeds only in staff hiding issues that you (as an employer) would otherwise want uncovered so they can be resolved. 
• if you are a competitive person by nature, I believe you are naturally attracted to competitive sport. By default, this also attracts other likeminded competitive people so suddenly you are in environment which is naturally dominated by competitive personalities which I think fuels a reluctance to admit defeat (a bit like politics really. Even when you're losing you can put a spin on anything). Which is a shame really, because what would be great is to feel like you can safely admit you find something difficult or hard in order to seek support - rather than feel like every race or every session has to have a story painted to it to justify performance.
• guilt. For mums and dads who take time away from family to train, for people who leave work early or sneak in lunchtime sessions to workout rather than catching up on admin or briefings or networking lunches, there are these sacrifices and choices that are made along the way in order to pursue your sport. And sometimes sport doesn't go your way, the PB must wait another day or you just don't feel right.....and you might feel like you need a justification for this rather then simply admitting it was a hard course or you pushed yourself with a stretch goal that was challenging. You feel there has to be something a bit more to justify the guilt that might play on your mind with every session that takes you away from something else. 

I honestly think its a shame we can't see more honesty. I think it would be more encouraging for women and men wanting to get back into sport if they could see that everyone finds it hard, there's no 'easy' races and that its totally ok to admit that and share that with your training family. 

Even better, a bit more honesty might go a long way in helping support those who find sport intimidating or think that they might not ever be able to run a race or finish a triathlon or learn to swim. Trust me, you absolutely can and if you're ready to give it a shot then do it. Take it from me, we all find it hard. But the sense of achievement is one that is highly personal to you and people who support you along the way.  Don't shy away from being honest about it.

Running Melbourne with a stubborn voice

Today was my first attempt at a half marathon. This day has been a long time coming, with several false starts (injury...and maybe a hangover or two stopping previous attempts) and sporadic training over the years. It's no secret that I was not born to run and nor have I learnt to run particularly well. However, what I was born with is an extremely strong and relentless stubbornness that refuses to admit I am incapable of doing anything well. This makes for some interesting internal debate when it comes to running.

"You could so do a marathon. Loads of people do it. Christ even Tony Abbott finished an Ironman" (stubborn me)

"You are kidding yourself. Do you know how far 42.2km is? You've never run more than 21km. And that nearly killed you. Remember? Remember nearly crying and having a breakdown on the side of the Captain Cook Highway?" (realist me)

"But I want to do a marathon. I want the challenge and to feel like I've accomplished something"

"You're body won't cope, you'll fracture something or end up walking and feel like a failure. Just go to more study or something if you want a challenge. You would be much better at that"

...you get the drift.

So maybe I went into today's race a little overly ambitious given my reality:

• This was to be my longest run since my last half-marathon-kill-myself effort at Cairns in June 2012
• I have been doing a lot of sllooww base work lately and not overly long sessions - maximum around 12km I think
• I look like a fat seal trying to get up a hill. Waddle, arms, legs and lots of heavy breathing. It ain't pretty

All of which was pretty unfortunate really given this was a pretty hilly course (to me). I should have realised that if I paid attention to the course maps (I didn't) or thought about the fact that the run essentially looped around the Tan and its surrounds (which is basically one collation of hills and inclines smack in the centre of town) (which I didn't).

So here's how it rolled out:

• 6am, in Southbank and realised I forgot my purse. Sh*t. Somehow, by some pure stroke of luck, I find free parking along the Yarra right near the boat sheds about 5min walk to race start. And there's a totally empty public toilet right there. Bonus
• Bag check, number on, iPod in and we line up along the Arts Centre for what feels like an eternity. Its still pitch black and around 4 degrees. FREEZING. The warm up I did....yeah shouldn't have bothered.
• We wait so long I decide to find a loo for a last-chance stop. The Arts Centre queue is about 30 deep. I thank god silently for an ANZ Christmas Party from 2 years ago held at this very venue that taught me where to find the restrooms on every level. I take the lift to level 5, find said glamorous restroom (empty) and I'm back in the race line in no time. Bonus
• The professional super gazelles have started and fly by like they're running 5km. I stare at them in awe. If a bit of drool could come out of my mouth it would have. One day I think. One day.
• FINALLY the show gets on the road. The crowd cheers, the balloons are going, I crank the iPod and think "lets get this!" I'm going to KILL it!
• 2km in I'm flying. I'm thinking I've got this (PS this was the downhill part).
• 3km in we hit the first incline/false flat. Small grimace starts.
• 4km we climb into the Tan. Pain face officially starts. WTF is with the hill?
• 4-18km Pain face worsens. Whoever designed the course is a devil. Where is the nice flat bits?
• 18km the body is officially done. Shop shuts. I beg to open the shop again. We're running into a headwind, on a false flat and I can feel the wheels are falling off. I can see the finish line and despite wanting to stop and maybe have a bit of a cry I push on. "Your slowest run is better than your fastest walk"
• 19km yahoo! I can do anything. Gimme some more Dextro!!
• 20km Ok let's just sprint this out. You've done 1km efforts before. This is just a really hard 1km effort.
• 20.5km MY GOD WHERE IS THE FINISH
• 21km IS SOMEONE PLAYING WITH ME. THIS IS NOT RIGHT
• 21.1km THERE IT IS THE FINISH RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN SHUT UP MAN ON THE ANNOUNCER THIS IS HELL RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

Stop.

I need to lean on something. Anything. A stranger will do. Can I sit down? Don't' sit down. Look pro. Even though you are hurting LOOK PRO

I walk around, hands on hips and try and look pro. No biggie, just busted out a half.

I had a stretch goal which, in hindsight, was a bit crazy so I am pretty happy with my result (2.01/5.44m/km pace) given where I'm at in training. The winning girl ran a 1:23 -  seriously, I have MAD run envy of whoever she is. How do legs stretch that far??

3 years ago I couldn't run more than 1 minute so every time I achieve something new I can't help but reflect on how far my fitness and health has come. But the stubborn voice can't be silenced and I've already asked coach if I can do another one next month. The stubborn voice never learns.

Me before the race - Happy! Excited!

A translation of me post race (I feel ya dude) - Oh god, sweet rail

She's a big one!

This has been the weeks of squeezing it in. Work, training, life. Life is the big one, making sure that I still have one outside of the eat-work-train-eat-passout-sleep routine (love the pass out-sleep part!). Saturday date night with dinner and wine, girls dinners, coffee catch ups, Skype dates....all part of having a big, full, fun life.

I'm definitely not someone who can just breeze through the week, logging 40-50hrs in the office, another 10+hrs of swim-bike-run, quality relationship time, 8 hours sleep and flip my hair like its no biggie.

It is definitely a biggie for me.

Its a big, challenging commitment to do all that and I suffer from work fatigue more than anything else. It makes it hard to summons the energy to do it every week and over time I've learnt some things about myself:

• forcing myself to do early mornings means I just pay for it around 1pm. Its not worth it and doesn't make me a good employee, manager, athlete, partner or friend
• lunchtimes are great for fitting a session in
• i really love night training. Night rides are the best and this works for me. I've adapted to starting training at 7pm and it seems to fit with my routine and energy levels more than the morning.

We are all different athletes and I think its important to eventually figure out how training looks for you. It might not be swimming 3 mornings a week or riding long on a Saturday morning; that might not feel right, fit with your life or your schedule. No point pushing a square peg in a round hole and I learnt long ago never to martyr yourself to anything, let along something that you're supposed to love!!

So this weekend is a big one for me. Another weekend of firsts - I'm lining up to run my first ever half-marathon! Now, I know I've technically completed a half marathon (as I raced 70.3) but I personally feel like that doesn't count as (a) it was a total utter sufferfest of pain that I've chosen to erase from my memory (b) a race in a race doesn't count (in my mind!)

My 2013 bucket list included at least 1 half marathon so Run Melbourne this weekend it is! I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm excited! I'm loving run training right now, I'm edging closer and closer to confidently saying 'I'm a runner' and I want to have a solid crack on Sunday.

Imagine that. Me, who 3 years ago couldn't run more than one minute at a time without puffing out in pain, feeling like a runner. Its amazing what the body can do when you make it.